Born in 1953, I was raised in northern New Jersey. Both my parents are Jewish—not religious Jews, but culturally very much so. So I grew up not thinking much about God, but a lot about achieving, especially academically. I graduated number one in my high school class of 550 students and went on to Cornell University, where I got a degree in psychology. I also wrote for the Cornell Daily Sun, the school newspaper, and became interested in journalism. Syracuse University’s Newhouse School of Public Communications awarded me a full fellowship, and I earned a master’s degree in magazine journalism there. I then became a sports reporter for the Cortland Daily Standard in Cortland, New York. So everything was going well on the outside.
Internally, though, I’d begun to have struggles, especially so at Syracuse University. At one point, I got very sick with mononucleosis and went to the student clinic. I was seen by Dr. Koshy, an Indian woman, who took the time to talk with me about God. She was the first person ever to talk to me about a personal God who cared about me. She also showed me my name in the New Testament—Matthew—in the Gospel of Matthew. She handed me that little green Gideon’s New Testament and encouraged me to read it as I was recovering from my illness.
I read it a bit, but I got better, and I thought, Well, I don’t really need this anymore, and I went my way. Then I got the job as a sports reporter in Cortland. But internally, I still had a lot of unrest; I was never really at peace with myself or others. Through some friends, I got involved in an encounter group, something very popular in the 1970s. But, as I was to discover later on, the group had demonic roots, and the depression I was suffering from grew worse.
Lifeline
Ironically, however, some in that group were Christians, who also didn’t realize what they had gotten into. One of them gave me the Living Bible, also popular at the time, written in very understandable English rather than King James English.
When things really bottomed out for me in my personal life, I decided to read the Bible. The first book I decided to read was Job because I had heard he went through a really hard time, and I figured I could relate to that guy!
As I began to read in the New Testament, one verse that really stood out to me, talking about the Jewish people, was from the book of Romans: “So I ask, did they stumble in order that they might fall? By no means! Rather, through their trespass salvation has come to the Gentiles, so as to make Israel jealous” (Romans 11:11).
When I had met Gentile Jesus believers, I noticed in them a peace that I did not have. And that made me jealous! So that verse really resonated with me.
As I continued to read the Bible, I began to think, Yes, it looks like there is a God. And maybe he does care about me. But there’s also this person, Jesus, in the New Testament. And I don’t understand, as a Jew—I’ve been raised not to believe in Jesus—how can I get a hold of this?
My phone call from God
Then one night, I was talking with a Jewish friend of mine named Carol. I was in my home; it was about nine or ten at night. I told Carol, “You know, I think I can believe in God now, especially because there are some things that happen to me I can’t explain. For example, sometimes I’ll be thinking about somebody I haven’t seen in a long time, and the phone will ring, and it will be that person. But I don’t see how, as a Jew, I can believe in Jesus.” And Carol, who is also Jewish, said, “Yeah, me either.”
Just then, the phone rang, and I looked at Carol as if to say, “Oh, this must be God calling. It must be one of those strange phone calls.” It was a guy calling for someone named Lisa who no longer lived in this house. But when I told him that Lisa didn’t live there anymore, he kept on talking. He said, “Well, I had loaned Lisa a book, and I was hoping to get it back from her.” I replied, “Sorry, but Lisa moved, and I have no idea where your book is.” I thought that would get him to hang up, but then he said, “I also wanted to invite Lisa to a lecture on campus by a Jewish believer in Jesus.” He added, “I myself am a Jewish believer in Jesus.”
I looked over at Carol as if I had seen a ghost. I had just been talking about coincidental phone calls and Jews believing in Jesus, and here it was, all wrapped up in one package on the other end of the phone line!
Who says you can’t be scared into salvation?
So I told the guy, “Well, Lisa isn’t here, but I am, and I’d like to go!” I attended the lecture, where I met a bunch of Jewish people who believed in Jesus. I began attending a Saturday Bible study that they all attended, which answered many of my questions. After several weeks, I asked the leaders if they went to a church (looking back, it’s kind of funny that I’m the one who brought it up) and then began to go to their church. Gradually, I came to see who Jesus really is, that he is the Jewish Messiah, more than just a man, but actually God in the flesh. At an evening church service in August 1978, I turned my life over to him.
I did not feel an instant transformation, but over the next weeks and months I began to experience a peace in my heart and a love for people that I had never had before. However, I had a couple of horrible dreams in which a masked man was choking me in my sleep. I could barely breathe and had to shake myself awake. It was terrifying.
One Sunday at my church, I told the pastor about my dreams after the service. He called on the elders of the church to anoint me with oil and pray for me, as it says in the book of James: “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.” (James 5:14)
Deliverance
As they were praying, I suddenly saw the man from my nightmares with his mask removed. It was the leader of the encounter group! He had masqueraded as an angel of light, as the Bible says, “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.” (2 Corinthians 11:13-15)
From that moment on, I never had those dreams again.
Before I came to know the Lord, I had achieved most of what I had set out to do, and I was still miserable. The greatest blessing for me has been a changed life from the inside out.
I bookended my career by working again as a sports reporter for a newspaper in Vacaville, California. Since retiring, I wrote a book titled The God Squad: The Born-Again San Francisco Giants of 1978. That was very satisfying. But more satisfying is having Jesus in my heart.
Photo by shraga kopstein on Unsplash
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